Get the toxins out.


Enjoy pseudo-science?

In describing their own or another’s state of health, some people will pay considerable heed to a term used non-specifically to refer to any substance claimed to cause ill health. This is the concept of bodily “toxins.”

Just what are the toxins, where do they come from, and how can they be eliminated, you ask? Quite simply, the toxins are microscopic gremlins that accumulate in the body as a result of poor diet, lack of exercise, excessive drinking, and stress. The long term effects of the toxins include malaise, fatigue, and spiritual emptiness. They can be eliminated or “flushed out” through yoga, massage therapy, plenty of water, saunas, and consuming raw vegetables. Doing any of these things will cause the toxins to transform into vapor and flee the temple that is your body.

In other word, the toxins are complete horseshit created by neurotic twits with no medical or scientific background. And no amount of filtered water can flush that kind of mental sewage away.

WARNING: If there really is a toxin in your bloodstream, you may need to seek medical attention immediately, as it could kill you.


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5 Responses to “Get the toxins out.”

  1. Real Scientist Says:

    You’re not very scientific, are you? Lactic acid is a toxin. It develops in muscle fiber when muscles are overworked and cannot get enough O2 fast enough. That is one very well-known and documented toxin that massage therapy will flush out of muscles. Drinking a lot of water helps eliminate it from one’s system. There are also environmental toxins that do, I’m sorry to say, get into our bodies. Do you ever breathe? Eat food? Drink? Then you, my uninformed friend, have toxins inside of you. Hope you’re really scared now.

  2. boygeorge Says:

    Real Scientist –
    First, I am not scared of anything because I just so happen to be made of bullets and lighting. And why would you WISH fear upon anyone you sadist??
    Next, it seems to me your definition of “being scientific” is simply being informed, which is patently false. There is a bit more rigor involved than simply the spreading of information but we won’t get into that.
    Also – toxicity is (in the most general sense) described as the degree of impact of an external substance and its deleterious effects on living things. Because lactate is an internal byproduct of natural exercise and metabolism, I’m wondering just how that can be considered a toxin.
    I should also point out that this post is namely dealing with an issue of semantics. I am not denying that there are harmful substances in the environment that can enter our bodies. However, our bodies are built with mechanisms for removing many of these substances and they are working constantly. Other substances can, of course, indirectly produce long-term negative effects – the operative words being indirectly and long-term. I think the concept of “toxins” has over-extended itself in popular health science to mean anything that could potentially be bad for you. Fine – there are harmful substances out there that we can avoid, and its good to engage in healthy behavior. But every time someone tries to objectify our state of poor health into a catch-all term, such as toxins and speak of “flushing them out” as if it were absolute fact, I think people within a nearby radius lose IQ points. If you extend the metaphor too far then you end up living in a society of paranoia filled with people who “hope you’re really scared now.”
    Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to go get a colonic.

  3. christine Says:

    sorry real scientist, but

    check. mate.

  4. bobby fischer Says:

    checkmate indeed. and i should know; i’m bobby fischer. BAM.

  5. Ted Says:

    The way I look at it, “Real Scientist’s” criticisms notwithstanding (after all, ANYTHING–e.g. even water–can be toxic if there’s too much of it), the way so-called “toxins” are claimed to be at the root of everything that troubles us–from fatigue to ingrown toenails to cellulite to stress to wrinkled socks–is much too reminiscent of midieval attribution of any kind of illness or trouble to evil spirits or demons. It all smacks of pseudo-scientific superstition. Whenever I hear some goofus who doesn’t know the difference between valine and valium start talking about “flushing out the toxins” I switch off. They typically claim to have discovered a miraculous cure which mainstream science and medicine doesn’t want us to know about. For the most part they’re pretty much either just boneheads or hucksters.

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