Archive for March, 2008

Get the toxins out.

March 31, 2008

Enjoy pseudo-science?

In describing their own or another’s state of health, some people will pay considerable heed to a term used non-specifically to refer to any substance claimed to cause ill health. This is the concept of bodily “toxins.”

Just what are the toxins, where do they come from, and how can they be eliminated, you ask? Quite simply, the toxins are microscopic gremlins that accumulate in the body as a result of poor diet, lack of exercise, excessive drinking, and stress. The long term effects of the toxins include malaise, fatigue, and spiritual emptiness. They can be eliminated or “flushed out” through yoga, massage therapy, plenty of water, saunas, and consuming raw vegetables. Doing any of these things will cause the toxins to transform into vapor and flee the temple that is your body.

In other word, the toxins are complete horseshit created by neurotic twits with no medical or scientific background. And no amount of filtered water can flush that kind of mental sewage away.

WARNING: If there really is a toxin in your bloodstream, you may need to seek medical attention immediately, as it could kill you.
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munchkin.

March 31, 2008

children are made to bear an unfair share of the detestable phrases load. they’re labeled “tykes” and “youngsters,” all at an age when they’re too young to defend themselves. worst of all, though, is when someone calls them “munchkins.”  someone says “munchkin,” and my reaction one of the following: 

1. extreme discomfort.

2. extreme hunger. 

neither reaction bodes well for a child. for safety reasons, children should never be equated with oz creatures or delicious orbs. it’s just common sense.   

in the weeds.

March 3, 2008

i have a friend who’s basically a super-genius, and she has a job in the consulting business. honestly, i have no idea what consultants do, besides throw ideas around.

now, there are a number of things you can say at the consulting roundtable when an idea is just too detailed:

a) call a spade a spade: “your idea is too detailed.”

b) highlight an alternative: “we’re going for something simpler here.”

c) be “that guy”: “we don’t want to get in the weeds here”/”this is too in the weeds”/”we’re in the weeds on that one.”   

“OK, well? you know what? shut up,” my super-genius friend would like to retort. unfortunately, once “that guy” opens the door on consultant-speak, all sorts of other gems start flying out (i.e. “leveraging” and “interfacing” with others. why not just talk?). 

as a preventative measure, it’s best just not to get in the weeds at all, under any circumstances. don’t go near the weeds. poison ivy. instead, be vague; consultants will love you for it — though they’ll likely laud your “big-picture mindset.”